This is a contributed post. To start any post like this with the platitude that no matter what you’ve been through, you are better off for it can seem quite offensive to some. They would be absolutely right. It’s easy to give hollow principles about coming out the other side, and that you’ve learned something new worth having, but that doesn’t necessarily justify or validate all the hardships and the tough past you’ve been through.
So, we’re not going to start with that. However, what we are going to do is talk about how people who have had tough pasts, be that involved with difficult upbringings, harsh relationships, or the general misfortune life can throw at us, may have given your natural strengths a reason to show themselves.
This, in itself, can help you look at the past, not with a sense of utmost peace or gratitude as some self-help authors might suggest you should focus on, but at least with a sense of understanding going forward.
Your Empathy Turns Into Real Strength
Going through hard times changes how we see other people’s struggles. Some people say this happens automatically, but the truth is that you get to decide if your difficulties have made you feel bitter and more spiteful, or if you want to be kinder. Those who choose the latter often really lean into it, and they can be some of the best people you know. That’s because those who have felt deep pain often notice when others are hurting, even when they try to hide it. This isn’t about becoming a saint or a martyr, of course, it’s just that familiar pain is easier to spot. Someone who has dealt with addiction might notice the signs in a friend before anyone else does. So, if you find that you’re much more understanding now, give yourself credit for it.
All Of A Sudden, Judging Yourself Is Less Appealing
Living through difficult times has a way of softening harsh self-judgment. That’s because people who have faced real struggles often realize how many factors shape our lives beyond our control. The voice that says “I should have known better” gets quieter when you understand how complex life can be and that you can always try again tomorrow instead of worrying about yesterday. This doesn’t mean giving up responsibility for our choices of course. Instead, it means understanding that everyone stumbles, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has moments they wish they could redo. For instance, you might not turn your nose up at specialised car insurance for drink drivers if that’s been on your record, but you can get on the road again. No judgement, just forward progress.
You Tend To Hold More Gratitude
After going through rough patches, small comforts mean more and you won’t dismiss them as disposable. This could be, but isn’t limited to a warm bed, a friend who texts to check in, or a quiet morning with decent coffee. The strange thing is that gratitude isn’t necessarily the same as forcing positivity or pretending everything is fine. If someone has gone hungry, they appreciate a full fridge differently. If someone was raised in a chaotic household they might do their best to try and raise a happy family where love and listening comes first. That all blossoms from gratitude.
With this advice, we hope you can more easily connect with and understand the silver linings of a tough past.
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